Last night I had a nightmare. I never have nightmares. A lot has gone down this week that would bring on something like this. I have a ton of friends that live in the city right next to mine and one of their friends(17) was stabbed to death(by a 16 year old) on Thursday. I have been there with them through the grieving process, and I think this incident has hit just too close to home and so my feelings and thoughts of what happened have been translating into my dream world. Today is the wake and tomorrow the funeral. It has just been a depressing week.
The guy that I had a crush told me that he likes me more than I could ever know last night, before I went to bed. There is a three year age difference though so I know I can't act on my feelings. I wish that he was older because we get along so well and if you met him you would never guess that he was younger than 17. It just sucks, I cried last night after getting off the phone with him. It was so hard for me not to tell him that I felt the same way. I could hear in his voice that he was heart broken. All I wanted to do is say "I like you too, more than you will ever know". I thought that maybe I could just tell him that I like him back but then explain why we can't date. I realized that if i told him how I felt that it would be too hard for both of us not to act on our feelings. Just writing this I want to cry. I'm hanging out with him on Thursday and I know its going to be hard, for the both of us. I would rather keep him as a friend than for us to go out, possibly break up and not speak to each other. I think I just need to find a guy like him but just older because he was what I was looking for but age got in the way.